06. "When the war came home." - Richie Sharratt
My Journey to Mental Fitness -
I was born in Kent, England, into a military family. We moved around a lot, eventually settling in Middlesbrough. Life wasn’t easy. My parents split in the late ’80s, and my mum, one of the hardest working women I’ve ever known, raised me, my brother, and my sister on her own. She worked six jobs just to make ends meet. That woman grafted like no one else I’ve seen.
Looking back now, I realise how much kids internalise pain. When parents separate, children feel that grief even if they don’t know what it is. In the UK, especially back then, there wasn’t space to talk about emotions. You were just expected to crack on. Keep your chin up. Don’t show weakness. But we were hurting.
Throughout my childhood, one night stands out. We were starving, and Mum was out working. My sister, being the eldest, went scavenging through the kitchen and found a mouldy loaf of bread. She cut the worst of it off, toasted the rest, and we sat and ate it like it was Sunday dinner. You didn’t complain you just got on with it. Life was tough, but there were people who had it tougher than us.
In 2003, I joined the British Army. I was looking for structure, purpose, maybe even a family. And for a time, it gave me all of that. I loved the work. I climbed the ranks and served in Cyprus, the Falklands, and Afghanistan. But the Army gives and takes in equal measure.
My first marriage couldn’t survive it. Too much time apart. Too many missed moments. Then, while I was away on an exercise, I found out my wife had been sleeping with another man in our bed. That betrayal was brutal. But I did what I’d always done, swallowed the pain and carried on through a divorce that left my finances in ruins.
In 2008, I took a role as a UAV Pilot/Commander. It led me to Afghanistan. That tour left a mark. I came back a shadow of myself, angry, detached, numb. I started drinking heavily. I spiralled into debt, couch-surfed, and clung to the illusion that I was still functioning. In reality, I was drowning. On more than one occasion, I sat with a knife in my hand, ready to end it all. I didn’t see a way out, but at the time, I was too much of a coward to get the job done.
Somehow, despite being addicted to alcohol and struggling daily with my mental wellbeing, I landed a role I’d always wanted, training recruits at ATR Pirbright. It was one of the few bright spots. Watching those young lads and lasses grow gave me hope. Around this time, I met my second wife. We both wanted a family and we had two beautiful children together. But what looked good on the outside was something else entirely behind closed doors.
She was abusive physically, emotionally, verbally. I lived in fear. Knives were thrown at my head. I was constantly walking on eggshells. It’s not easy to admit as a man that you’re in an abusive relationship. There’s shame. Embarrassment. You tell yourself to toughen up, to fix it. I stayed longer than I should’ve, hoping things would change. But it got to the point where I had to put the kids first and walk away.
That’s when it got really bad. She accused me of hitting the kids, who were babies at the time. I spent over a year fighting through court, thousands of pounds down, determined to prove the truth. She took everything the house, the car, the bank account. I was left with nothing. But in the end, I cleared my name. After all the pain, the accusations, and the battles, the truth came out.
At the time, I didn’t know I had PTSD. I just thought I was broken beyond repair.
Eventually, I met an amazing woman. She saw something in me that I’d stopped seeing in
myself. She stood by me when I was at my lowest, and with her support, I began to heal
properly. We had two more absolutely amazing kids together, and I was honoured to step into the role of dad for her son, who’d also survived his own trauma.
In 2016, I finally asked for help. In 2017, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, and body dysmorphia and was subsequently medically discharged from the military. Oddly enough, the diagnosis gave me hope. At least now I had a name for the storm I’d been living in. I’d come to learn that sometimes the strongest thing a man can do... is ask for help. I dived into therapy and threw myself into learning. I became a qualified Mediator, Counsellor, NLP Practitioner, Life Coach, you name it. I wanted to understand my own mind and then use what I’d learned to help others who were silently suffering.
Everything I studied became a tool I used to rebuild myself. And once I’d found my footing, I started sharing those tools with other men.
In 2022, we moved to New York for a fresh start. I saw it as a chance to grow into the man I’d always wanted to be, a better dad, a better partner, and a better human. Life was finally on the up. Then, one week, I received two heartbreaking messages, two of my mates back home had taken their own lives. That hit me like a truck.
I’d been meeting up with a very good friend named Eric at Starbucks, having honest conversations about how men bottle things up. After those two losses, we knew we had to do something. That week, we co-founded Mentality Matters, a nonprofit dedicated to helping men, veterans, and first responders build mental fitness. We don’t use the term “mental health.” That term carries baggage. We say “mental fitness” because the mind, like the body, can be trained, strengthened, and cared for.
One of the key philosophies behind Mentality Matters comes from the old Cherokee legend of the two wolves. In the story, a grandfather tells his grandson that inside every person, there is a battle between two wolves. One represents anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self- pity, guilt, and resentment. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth. When the grandson asks which wolf wins, the grandfather simply replies, "The one you feed." That story hit home. It perfectly captures the daily battle we all face and the power of choice. At Mentality Matters, we help men recognise those wolves within and guide them to feed the one that leads to growth, healing, and strength.
With everything starting to feel right in my life, being a beacon of light for other men, finally standing on solid ground, the universe decided to throw another curveball my way. My wife told me she’d fallen out of love with me. I broke. Sat there crying, feeling completely worthless. Wondering why it kept happening. What was wrong with me?
I didn’t notice my 6-year-old daughter had walked into the room. She said nothing. Just came over and gave me a hug. That hug, so small, so simple, saved my life. It reminded me why I had to keep going. Why I had to keep building. That day I vowed to make myself a better man for those that I love and hold so dear.
Since then, Mentality Matters has taken off. We’ve hosted coaching sessions, launched
community events, and helped countless men open up and take back control. We even picked up an international award as the "Most Innovative Men's Wellness NPO 2025". I’ve written two books: “Productivity & Wellness: The Key to a Brighter Future” and “Which Wolf Will You Feed?” with retired Navy SEAL Will Chesney.
And somewhere along the way, right in the middle of a coaching session, of all places, I had a moment that changed everything. I was being guided through a reflection exercise, eyes closed, focusing inward, when suddenly, I felt something shift in the room. Clear as day, I saw a vision: a man's face surrounded by a radiant halo. He looked at me, not with judgment, but with peace and I heard the words in my heart as if they were spoken aloud: “Seek the Word of God.” It stopped me in my tracks.
It wasn’t just emotional. It was spiritual. That moment planted a seed I couldn’t ignore. I realised I wasn’t alone in my journey and never had been. From that point on, I started exploring my faith, not out of duty or desperation, but from a place of curiosity and conviction. That spiritual connection gave me strength when I had none, and a peace I’d never known before. In fact, my faith has grown so deeply that I’ve since ordained as a Christian Minister and am currently training to become a Chaplain. It's not just a title, it’s a calling. A chance to serve others not only through their mental fitness journey but also in their spiritual walk, offering guidance, comfort, and hope when they need it most.
These days, I wear a few hats, President of Mentality Matters, Chairman of Veterans United in the UK, Chairman of the Mashujaa Foundation in Kenya, the UK's official Mental Fitness Coach, and COO of Agora in New York. But titles aside, the most important role I’ll ever have is being a dad. My five kids are my world. Everything I do, I do with them in mind.
What drives me now is a simple belief: Family first. Always. Sure, work matters. And sacrifices? They come with the territory. But it’s all about balance. I want my kids and every man I cross paths with to know they’re enough. That no matter how dark life gets, there’s always a way forward. Because when the war comes home, that’s when the real fight begins. And I’m living proof that it’s a fight you can win.
So if you're in the trenches of your own battle right now, here’s what I’d say to you: don’t suffer in silence. Speak up. Reach out. You're not weak for struggling, you're human. The pain you’re carrying doesn’t make you less of a man. If anything, it’s your willingness to keep going that shows just how strong you are.
The way I bite back now is simple but powerful; I show up. Every day. For myself. For my
family. For the men out there who think they’re alone. I stick to a routine that keeps me
grounded: early morning walks, breath work, journaling, and spending quality time with my kids. I focus on progress over perfection. I talk about what hurts. I own my story. And I stay close to a community that lifts me when I need it.
That’s how I take back control. Not with ego, but with purpose.
Links:
● Website: https://www.mentalitymatters.org
● Book 1: https://amzn.eu/d/h4klwFC
● Book 2: https://amzn.eu/d/8i06L31
● Course: https://richard-sharratt-s-school.teachable.com/p/mental-fitness-coaching-
certification-the-4-realms-of-service